I'm back here after 4 years. In many ways much has changed yet in some ways, nothing at all has changed.
I am still stuck in this education system as i have been for the past 10 years. I am still here in hwachong, though in a different section. My life is still very much academic based, I am still who i am.
But here i am in j1 when the last time i posted was when i was in sec 1. Frankly i have read not read through my past posts these 4 years, perhaps for the same reason as that of everyone. I read my previous posts and feel like stupid writing that at that time. But time passes and present becomes past and who knows, 4 years later looking back at this post i may be ashamed of the present state i am in. this is just human isn't it.
In many ways i have changed as well, in my goals for life and how i see things.
The above line sounds so retarded and so cliche but whatever who still reads this space. Yea except you, yea YOU.
2 goals in life, to be happy and to be a good person. Frankly these goals are what everyone harbors, but getting caught up with the pace of life, getting stuck in the shit that everyone faces each day in work and in school, you lose sight of what you are actually living for.
In the past few years perhaps I do not mug as fervently for tests, to some i may seem nonchalent. It isn't because i don't care, but i recognize that life is much more than these academic assessments. Sticking on with the topic of education, i have come to question what education really means and what it is meant to achieve.
For me, it is but a means for me to gain knowledge, make a mark in the society and be happy through it all. Not just happy at the eventual achievements if there exists any, but happy through the process of gaining knowledge, of learning.
Yet so often far from providing happiness, education is associated with stress, tears, unhappiness, which in itself is ironic, since one studies in hope of a better and happier life, and yet one chooses to suffer through the process of it. But as humans we never seem to get it do we?
Does education equate to learning? I recently got to learn of this striking statement that "The one thing that has hindered my learning in life was my education". Ironic on a superficial level, yet deeply profound and perhaps depressing as one truly understands what it implies. Is our education system really that perfect? Is it really doing to us what it CLAIMS it is actually doing. All educational institutes claim to want to groom leaders, outstanding people, individuals who would make a mark in the society. But perhaps a comment i chanced upon recently provides a more realistic summary of what education today really means. "The aim of our education system is merely to develop the next generation of mindless drones, because no society would survive without having the majority of its people at the bottom." Isn't that the truth? How many leaders do you want in a society? If each and everyone of us are to be leaders, who the freak are the leaders supposed to lead? Looking back at how our education system teaches us to learn ever so mechanically, to conform, aren't we closer to the prospect of mindless drones than leaders who make a difference?
Moving on, many people claim that school life is filled with backstabbers, betrayals, and there are BFFs too, THE clique and so on so forth. Perhaps it is true, perhaps you are just thinking too complicatedly. I'm in my 11th year of education now and i have yet to meet a bad person. Don't tell me it is because i am lucky, but it really is because i recognize that there are 2 sides to everything, no one is truly bad. And neither is anyone truly good. This i realized in myself recently too, i have no ill intentions in anything i do and i have never intended to hurt anyone, but because of the way things go some people may bear the wrong impressions of me. Am i writing coherently?
And i am still turned off my emo kids, screw those facebook statuses of yours seriously. Strangely enough in this age being happy and contented seems to be a crime, only by proclaiming your sorry state, how hard life is for you, how things never go to plan, how you are a failure, are you considered cool and so on. This is retardedly stupid. For one it is pathetic to see how 16 17 years old trying to show the world how their life sucks, their fmls and so on. Yea, its hard on you failing a test, screwing up a performance, but at least you had the chance to take the test and perform. There are people starving in Africa and you dun freaking see them shouting fml to the world. Stop infusing yourself with a sense of self worth by posting those emo status and seeing the comments encouraging you cause srsly its lame.
I lead a happy life and i am freaking proud of it.
I still treasure the ones i love as much as ever. Which is why i have not lost my temper with my loved ones for the last few years. Except to maybe sis, and for this i am sorry sis.
Who still reads this space? Perhaps no one will ever unless you google my name, or perhaps you got here via an extensive network of links from blogs and one thing led to another and you are here.
Either way, szeyuan 4 years on from j1, is still pretty much the same as much as he has changed. But szeyuan of 2010 has his aims set out right now and hopefully four years later, i can say that in the process i have indeed lived a happy and rightful life.
